chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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