the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize