And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
