I should be sponsored by Trojan
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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