the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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