Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
