No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
