need another drink. this is the easiest way
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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