She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
