I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
40s are totally the cure
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
