Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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