I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
