I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
