I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
