Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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