No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
