I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
