I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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