Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize