he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
