last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
