All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
