I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
