am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
