Your mouth is God's brothel.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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