he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
