He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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