woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
