Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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