Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize