I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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