I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
