Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
