is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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