there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
