where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize