he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
