Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
