it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
