I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
