We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
