I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
