Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just puked most of my soul out..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
