I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just forgot I was standing up.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
