Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
