Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
