We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize