If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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