rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
