Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
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