It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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