Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
