Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
