I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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