If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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