sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
