We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
