everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
