Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
