I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
