ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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