She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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