and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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