The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My vagina is officially offended.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
