we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
