haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
