Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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