Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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