he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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