I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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