ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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