We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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