I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
