i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
