You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
